An R-Rated Apology

Since it’s October and Halloween is just around the corner, I feel it’s appropriate for me to issue a public apology. To my mother.

Dear Mom,
I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but I used to sneak into R-Rated horror movies before I was seventeen. I know you raised me to be an honest, law abiding citizen, but peer pressure and my own morbid curiosity caused me to break the rules on multiple occasions and ‘sneak in’ to films such as Halloween: H20, Scream 3, The Blair Witch Project, Valentine, I Know What You Did Last Summer, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, and countless other slasher flicks. I’m also sorry for seeing such awful movies, but that’s not what this is about. This letter is about you, Mom. I betrayed your trust in the name of horror, and I’m sorry.
Remember that time I said I was going to see “Dude, Where’s My Car?” with friends? Well, I was actually seeing Scream 3. And that wasn’t the first time. Armageddon was actually Urban Legend. Hope Floats was Halloween H20. Anna And The King was House On Haunted Hill, and Titanic (the 3rd time) was Scream 2. A Bug’s Life? Well, that was actually A Bug’s Life. But what I’m trying to say is, I shouldn’t have lied.
But here’s the thing, Mom. Have you ever seen these slasher films? Not only are they gloriously gory (my enjoyment for Haunted Houses should tell you I love over-the top, gawdy horror), but they are so predictable and entertaining that I just could not resist my desire to see them before I was technically allowed to. As far as I can remember, none of the friends who accompanied me were of age, either. But please don’t take it out on them. They shared my same fascination with the genre.
I hope you don’t think that because I like horror movies and went against your judgment that I am some kind of serial killer. Hmm, let me rephrase that: I love you, don’t ground me.

Love,
Brian
P.S. What are you doing on October 26th? Saw IV is coming out!