Kiefer Knocked on his Keister

New sweater to attend LA event: $200.00
Booze at event: FREE
Bail: $25,000.00
Seeing your face next to Nicole and Paris in celeb mug shot photo galleries: Priceles

The Kite Runner

I recently decided to read Khaled Hosseini’s The Kite Runner. I wanted to read it before the film comes out later this year, and I was traveling to Ireland, so it seemed like an appropriate time. I did not expect understand or enjoy the book as much as I did, not being as up to date on the conflicts in the Middle East as I would like to be.

The story of The Kite Runner focuses around the life of Amir, and follows him from his childhood in Kabul, his teenage and adult years in California (Fremont), and back to Kabul in search of a boy whom he feels can redeem the mistakes he has made.

This isn’t a total spoiler, but the book features a rape scene of a little boy. It is graphic and hard to get through, especially because it turns into a major plot point, and Amir revisits his memory of the incident frequently throughout the story. Now, the boy who plays the victim in the film, Ahmad Khan Mahmidzada, and his family, are requesting that the rape scene in the film be cut because they fear for their safety. Claiming the scene (that the actor reluctantly filmed) would offend Afghans and bring shame to their family, Mhmidzada fears his family would be ostracized because Afghans do not fully understand the difference between fantasy and reality of the film industry. While ethnic conflict has decreased greatly since the fall of the Taliban in 2001, the people of Afghanistan worry for any triggers to set the conflict back in action.

This is a major issue for the film, whose plot centers around this pivotal plot point. While the film's producers, Bennett Walsh and Rebecca Yeldham placed the sensitivity of the boys involved in the film as a number one priority, at what point does that involve compromising the integrity of the story and/or the film. The boy claims he was not given the script or the story prior to filming, and would not have agreed to the scene had he known. I was trying to think of how they could express this story without graphically depicting the rape, whether they could elude to it or could have used doubles to suggest the oncomings of the event and then cut to the next scene. But there is also something about the books honesty and rawness that shows the dark and ugly side of a country that was once beautiful and peaceful, and the rape is a pivotal moment not only in terms of the direct plot of the story, but also in the telling of the political history of the era in which the story takes place. They’ve certainly got their issues cut out for them, but they have until the end of November to reach an agreement. The Kite Runner hits theaters on November 22. Do yourself a favor and pick up the book beforehand.

The Preggers

If the notion of ‘Spring Fever’ really holds true, doesn’t that mean that more people should be getting pregnant at the beginning of the summer? Not in Hollywood, apparently. It seems as though so many celebs are popping up with the preggers! Here’s the list I came up with:
Nicole Richie & Joel Madden, Christina Aguilera & Jordan Bratman, Halle Berry & Gabriel Aubry, Isla Fisher & Sascha Baron Cohen, Tameka Foster & Usher, Selma Hayek & François-Henri Pinaut, any others I’m forgetting?

Let’s hope they do a better job than Britney! (that's right, I went there)

2007 Emmy's Recap

Since most of America decided to watch FOOTBALL instead of the Emmy’s (it happens once a year people, would it kill you to watch it?), let me sum the evening up…I got most of the categories wrong (apparently my mind is more in tune with Tony voters than Emmy voters. Who knew? Everyone, that’s who). The show was the first ever to be presented ‘in the round’ (arena-style, with audiences on all sides of the stage). They mae it seem like they were going to be rotating the angle that the awards were presented, but they failed to do so, making the cast of Ugly Betty not so honored ‘just to be nominated.’ In case you’re not one of the tens of people who watched the show, allow me to sum up the ceremony through the awards (the important ones, that is):

Best Drama: Sopranos (would have been a bit humiliating if Heroes beat them out after that tribute starring the 2nd national touring company of Jersey Boys, eh? I didn’t know what was cheesier, the look that Jarrod Spector (Frankie Valli) gave Drew Gehling (Bob Gaudio) towards the finale, or the four members of the Soprano family’s grand entrance through the floor at the end)

Best Comedy: 30 Rock (The next day I added the first season of this show to my Blockbuster Online queue. Just because Tina Fey thanked the “dozens and dozens of fans who watch this show” in her speech).

Best Leading Actor (Drama): James Spader, Boston Legal (Yeah, if I played the same role for 10 years on two different series, I’d bet I’d be a good actor, too.)
Best Leading Actress (Drama): Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters (I’m over the moon that she won. The producers of the awards, however, who had to censor her politically charged rant during her acceptance speech, were not so ecstatic.)

Best Leading Actor (Comedy): Ricky Gervais, Extras (I thought he was in The Riches, which just goes to show how much I know about the actor and the television show. But, like 30 Rock, it is now in my Blockbuster queue).

Best Leading Actress (Comedy): America Ferrera, Ugly Betty (she’s amazing and I love her in every way. She deserved the award tenfold, and if you don’t watch this show you need to start!)

Best Supporting Actor (Drama): Terry O’Quinn, Lost (I think of his acting like I thought of his neon pink silk shirt and black sequined tie…cheesy and over-the-top. But it’s about time someone from the show was recognized, even if I thought it should be Michael Emerson, who plays Ben.)

Best Supporting Actress (Drama): Katherine Heigl, Grey’s Anatomy (Don’t know who I could have thought otherwise, this underdog of Grey’s just became a major leading lady!)

Best Supporting Actor (Comedy): Jeremy Piven, Entourage (I guess he’s good on the show, but I still feel like he doesn’t have to try too hard to pull off ‘sleazy’ on the show.)

Best Supporting Actress (Comedy): Jamie Pressley, My Name Is Earl (She thanked her boyfriend for the gift of her son. Because he’s, (said in a faint, exasperated whisper) “the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” I’m just glad the camera pulled away before they both ripped off their clothes and gave the audience the show they’d been waiting for all evening).

Helen Mirren (who I swear rolls out of bed and she wins an award for it) won Best Actress in a miniseries (which I didn’t even know she did), and some guy from Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee who gave a boring speech won the Actor award for the same category.

But perhaps the biggest award of the night was that for Hoakiest Host of an Awards Show, which was given to Ryan Seacrest by, well, everyone but him. Fueled by jokes about his sexuality (and his past with Terri Hatcher) that only he thought were funny, his failed attempts at singing, goofy costumes that nobody thought were funny, and lackluster jokes earned him the prestigious award. “Seacrest Out,” indeed.

2007 Emmy Predictions

Here are my official predictions for the 2007 Emmy's!

Best Drama Series:
Boston Legal
Grey's Anatomy
House
Heroes
Sopranos

What Will Win: Sopranos
What Should Win: Heroes

While I'm not 100% positive, I'm pretty sure that Sopranos has one best series at least once in its run. And while it is custom and nice manners to grant an exiting show one last win, Heroes was the breakout show of the season. We'll see which direction the voters go.

Best Comedy Series:
Entourage
The Office
30 Rock
Two and a Half Men
Ugly Betty

Who Will Win: 30 Rock
Who Should Win: Ugly Betty

I'm a bit biased here because I've never watched 30 Rock, but I think it is the "intellectual" favorite of the season so I wouldn't be surprised if it took the prize. But Ugly Betty has the total package and is such an endearing show. It is so deserving of tons of awards, and this one would be the icing on the cake.

Best Leading Actor in a Drama:
James Gandolfini (Sopranos)
Hugh Laurie (House)
Denis Leary (Rescue Me)
James Spader (Boston Legal)
Kiefer Sutherland (24)

Who Will Win: James Gandolfini
Who Should Win: James Gandolfini

He deserves it.

Best Leading Actress in a Drama:
Patricia Arquette (Medium)
Minnie Driver (The Riches)
Edie Falco (Sopranos)
Sally Field (Brothers & Sisters)
Mariska Hargitay (Law & Order: SVU)

Who Will Win: Edie Falco
Who Should Win: Sally Field

Edie Falco went through a lot with her last season of the show, including overcoming cancer, causing the show to postpone the taping of its final season. As the matriarch of The Sopranos, she dealt with her fair share of drama in the show, and many voters may want to give her this last send-off. But anyone who has seen Sally Field in Brothers & Sisters will know the feeling of having their helt melt from her performance every week.

Best Supporting Actor in a Drama:
William Shatner (Boston Legal)
T.R. Knight (Grey's Anatomy)
Masi Oka (Heroes)
Terry O'Quinn (Lost)
Michael Emerson (Lost)
Michael Imperioli (Sopranos)

Who Will Win: Michael Emerson
Who Should Win: Michael Emerson

Everyone in this category could take the prize, but Michael Emerson as Ben on Lost is so above and beyond the best part of that show it is not even funny. I hope they recognize him for turning the show around and transforming a tiny guest starring role into a series regular and completely changing the course of show.

Best Supporting Actress in a Drama:
Rachel Griffiths (Brothers & Sisters)
Sandra Oh (Grey's Anatomy)
Chandra Wilson (Grey's Anatomy)
Katherine Heigl (Grey's Anatomy)
Lorraine Bracco (Sopranos)
Aida Torturro (Sopranos)

Who Will Win: Lorraine Bracco
Who Should Win: Katherine Heigl

Bracco plays Tony's psychiatrist on The Sopranos, and from what I understand she greatly carried along the story and character development in the show. But Heigl's plot tracks influenced Grey's immensely this season, and her performances flourished on the show. She is greatly deserving of the award, but her rookie status among the other nominees could play against her.

Best Leading Actor in a Comedy
Alec Baldwin (30 Rock)
Steve Carrell (The Office)
Ricky Gervais (The Riches)
Tony Shalhoub (Monk)
Charlie Sheen (Two and a Half Men)

Who Will Win: Alec Baldwin
Who Should Win: Steve Carrell

I know he's won before, but Carrell is a comedic genius who carries the show and whose performances and creativity stretch far beyond the TV world. That said, since it is a TV awards ceremony, Alec Baldwin's buzz is deafening, and I believe he will be recognized for his contribution to the success of 30 Rock.

Best Leading Actress in a Comedy:
American Ferrera (Ugly Betty)
Tina Fey (30 Rock)
Felicity Huffman (Desperate Housewives)
Julia Louis-Dreyfuss (New Adventures of Old Christine)
Mary-Louise Parker (Weeds)

Who Will Win: Tina Fey
Who Should Win: America Ferrera

Tina Fey's creative credits and acting chops on 30 Rock should earn her her first award. But nothing compares to Ferrera's Betty. She carries the show and she deserves more recognition than a Golden Globe. I guess it doesn't have to be this year, but boy should it.

Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy:
Jeremy Piven (Entourage)
Kevin Dillon (Entourage)
Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother)
Rainn Wilson (The Office)
Jon Cryer (Two and a Half Men)

Who will win: Rainn Wilson
Who Should Win: Rainn Wilson

I'm a bit confused as to why Jon Cryer gets a supporting credit and Charlie Sheen gets a leading credit, but I don't think he's going to win so whatever. Rainn Wilson compliments Steve Carrell wonderfully, and his neurotic character has developed so much since the show's inception. It's time for his prize.

Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy
Jamie Pressley (My Name Is Earl)
Jenna Fischer (The Office)
Conchata Ferrell (Two and a Half Men)
Vanessa Williams (Ugly Betty)
Elizabeth Perkins (Weeds)

Who Will Win: Jamie Pressley
Who Should Win: Elizabeth Perkins

Jamie Pressley has a had a big year, and she continues to be a strong leading player in the show. Perkins' character on Weeds is amazing and deserves an award, but the show's controversial material might stand in her way.

Mission: Man Band is my mission to not watch

I was kind of excited about the prospect of this reality show on VH1: Four D-Listed former boy band members getting a second chance at a(nother) big break. I watched two episodes of this show, and I was left with nothing but a squirming feeling that came from being annoyed and uncomfortable, not the other kind of squirming I usually get when I think about Jeff Timmons or boy bands in general.

First off, in true boy band form (a la O-Town), they all live in a house together. In Miami. Tough life. Secondly, they have this annoying Manager hired by the network that they call Miss Kate. She pretty much does not do anything other than cause drama within the group and screw up her job, and their future at forming a successful 'man band.'

Then there are the guys. Each legends in their own right (pop music speaking), but within the show they are portrayed as washed up has beens with tons of talent but a tarnished reputation and very few chances of rising to the top like their former band mates who have already taken off (JT, Nick Lachey, etc.).

Bryan Abrams used to be in Color Me Badd, but then the band broke up and nobody has heard much from any of them since. To be perfectly honest, I am not familiar with Color Me Badd or any of its bandmates, so Abrams is kind of lost on me here. He has an amazing voice that shines through in his new group's mediocre-at-best musical performances. Other than that, his role on the show comprises of having a paranoid wife who is paranoid that he is going to fall into the galivanting, womanizing ways of some of his fellow bandmates.

You may not recognize this guy because you can't see the top of his head. Imagine the top of a pineapple sitting on top of this guy's head, and you may suddenly recognize him as Chris Kirkpatrick from *NSync. Since being one of the two members to fade into the background of the most popular boy band of the 90's, Chris started a new group (that failed), as well as voiced a cartoon character and launched an ugly clothing line. On the show, he serves as the ringleader of the group (which is funny because of his *NSync status as the one singing the high harmonies in the background), and pretty much makes rude comments about women and argues incessantly with Miss Kate. Oh yeah, and also being the most annoying one on the show.

Ah, Jeff Timmons. The sweet sounding hunk of a crooner who founded the hottest boyband to come out of the '90's, 98 Degrees. Ah, 98 Degrees. Put Jeff Timmons and Nick & Drew Lachey together and I don't care what happens, I'll salivate. But after Nick's solo career "took off" (and by that I mean since Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica), Jeff struggled to get ahead with his own solo career. Throw in the fact that he's married and has a daughter, and an incident with a DUI in Florida a few years ago, and the poor guy had a few rough years. On the show, of course he shows off his impressively strong vocals, but other than that he just complains about how embarrassing it is to be on a show where they kind of make fools of themselves and he doesn't want to fail with the band. He's kind of the whiny paranoid one on the show. He's Tonya from The Real World: Chicago, if you will.



Rich Korbin was in LFO. Apparently he likes girls that wear Abercrombie & Fitch. He'd take 'em if he had one wish. The group kind of disappeared after only one album (and I think it was for the best, don't you?). Rich was the rapper of the group, and he carries this over into the new group. Other than lukewarm 'skillz,' he also brings a chauvanistic pig quality to the show that rivals Chris's, as well as the emotional. He's a leukemia survivor and frequently brings it up, if for nothing else than to get the ladies's attention.

So far they've had two appearances in Miami nightclubs, crooning tunes with hot female backup dancers who do all the work for them. Their music sounds exactly like something that might be created by their former groups, leaving them looking awkward and their image tired and tainted. Better luck next time guys. Oh, I hope there won't be a next time...

A Chorus Line

Just saw the year-old revival of A Chorus Line. Amazingly, for being the theater buff that I am, I had only seen one production of the show, produced by the Stanford University theater department when I was in high school. So it was a real treat to not only see the show on Broadway, but to see a recreation of the original production.

There is honestly very little complaining I can do about this show. Certain actors were definitely stronger than others, but that also comes with the territory of certain songs having become more iconic than others (read: Cassie's number, "At the Ballet," "Nothing," etc.). The cast was probably half original to the revival, half new at the beginning of the summer. But as an ensemble, they were so tight and cohesive that it seemed as though they had been performing together for years. I was also surprised at the amount of passion and energy that spilled from them after having been in the show for nearly a year and a half.

And as an audience, we all ate. it. up. Every last note, ball-change, pirouhette and punchline. And we would do it over and over again if we could.

Britney does Vegas...sorta

I am not ashamed to admit that I have Britney's Live From Las Vegas show on DVD. Not the trashy one where she masturbates onstage that was shown on Showtime. I have the classy HBO concert on DVD. When she was big (but not overweight). And hot (but not passing out).

Now she has done Vegas in a different way...attempting to turn her career back around and stage her big comeback by opening the MTV VMA's.

Her appearance was doomed from the start. I don't really understand what MTV was going for, but they basically had some of today's biggest artists making fun of her on the side while she was performing. Not only was this distracting, but also not a good sign of what the performance was ACTUALLY like, not just how it played on television.

Everyone is saying she looked fat in her skimpy outfit. She did not look fat. She looked healthy and normal. But unfortunately for Britney, that meants looking overweight.

And um, I thought her dancers were good.

Broadway Headliners

What is going on here? I leave the country for 9 days and all of a sudden the theater community goes up in arms, and crazy things happen!

• There is yet another new tour cast of Rent launching the show in October, featuring two American Idol finalists. The first South African Idol winner, Heinz Winckler, will play Roger, and, I called this next one, Anwar Robinson from AI Season 4, will play Collins. I was in love with this guy and his voice when he was on the show, and I am really excited at the prospect of him playing Collins. Not to say that if I wanted to see Rent I wouldn't just go down to 41st & Broadway and walk into the Nederlander Theater. But you know what I mean.
• MTV will record and broadcast Legally Blonde on its network at the end of this month. I have mixed feelings about this. Of course I think it's great that the network is attempting to reach out to its young target audience in an attempt to get them interested in theater. But ultimately, I think this is predicting the downfall of the show. The tweeny audience is the show's target audience to begin with, and to make it so widely accessible to them on MTV, it may be harder to get an audience in. Judging from the Playbill attendence percentages from last week, now that school has started, attandance is way down all over Broadway, not just Legally Blonde, and that cannot bode well for the show. But I'm still excited to watch it, don't get me wrong!
• Speaking of Rent, Denise Van Outen, who co-hosted "Grease: You're The One That I Want," landed the role of Maureen in the newly re-invented Rent going up in London. Yeah, this is the newly orchestrated version of the show, updating it and giving it a "new" sound. 'Cause the current sound isn't new enough.

The beginning of the end...

Poor Vanessa Hudgens. She probably thought the throng of sex tape and nude photo scandals with celebrities was over. Little did she know, for her, they were just getting started.

That may sound a bit over-the-top, I know. But the poor girl is a Disney starlet! A nude photo surfacing is like finding out Britney's not a virgin. It's like realizing the water in Lindsay's water bottles isn't actually water. It's like Vanessa Williams losing her Miss America crown for posing nude. It's like Miss Teen USA behaving badly. It's like...like...well, a nude photo surfacing on the internet.

Apparently the photo was emailed to some kid named Drake Bell, another Disney actor, before she was a star.

I feel really bad for her. With at least one more HSM film in the works, a second solo album on the way, an ad deal with Neutrogena, and much more on her plate, I hope her fragile teen heart can take it all.

What am I talking about, this is the drama I live for. Zac & Vanessa are the Justin & Britney of the new teen generation. And this photo is the beginning of the drama...comparable to the first time Britney cheated on Justin. I'm holding my breath, waiting to see what's next.

Oh, Lindsay!

This is a hilarious article on Linday Lohan's troubled life in last month's issue of Rolling Stone, written by Rob Sheffield.

Lindsay! It's been way too long, what are you up to, besides Page Three of youre to-blow list for the day? I know, that crazy DUI thing. Wait--another one? Busted at the corner of Pico and Main? After allegedly flooring your Denali in pursuit of your assistant's assistant's grandma? Lindsaaaaaay! I'm in no mood! Don't! Ever! We are not having this conversation. No! I'm disappointed. No product placement for American Apparel hoodies? No paparazzi shots of you reaching nirvana on the windshield? I expect a little more from a Lindsay bust. You've let me--all of us--down. Cocaine in your pants--why the hell were you wearing pants?
Can't you get pinched for dogfighting or something? We'd like to see you busted for running Fyrecrotch Kennel, training bitchy Pekingeses for walk-offs against Britney's Yorkiez of Doom.
Still, I have to hand it to you, and by "it," I mean more drugs. You don't waste any time, do you? Heck you just turned twenty-one, right before you got out of fun-hab. That SCRAM ankle bracelet should be a Denver boot. Your knees haven't been on speaking terms with each other in years. But nothing stops Lindsay. I love the email you sent out the next day: "Did not do drugs they're not mine" and "i appreciate everyone giving me my privacy." Of course, the strain of sober writing might have jumbled you words--clearly, what you meant was "Did not do privacy" and "I appreciate everyone giving me my drugs."
It's been quite a big year for the Big Three: Britney, Lindsay, and Paris--the Beatles, Stones and Dylan of party-tardism. If shaving her head was Britney's White Album, and Paris' jail term was John Wesley Harding, Lindsay's new bust is her back-to-basics "Jumpin' Jack Flash." Together, they've achieved whole new levels of probation-flouting, tabloid-humping and career-throttling, but I worry they're not mentoring the next camera-whore generation. What about the new breed--who will be the Guess Who or Elton John? Who will inherit the torch? Hayden Panettiere? Kim Kardashian? Not likely. This troubles me. Brit, Lindz and Gay Paree need to start grooming protogees to crash tomorrow's Denalis into tomorrow's assistants. For the sake of the legacy, they need to reach out to freshly fallen child stars and daddy-punishing heiresses. It's called giving back ladies. It's called the future.