Hollywood Headliner Update

Your Hollywood Headliner Update for Tuesday, May 1?

-If April showers bring May flowers, what do temporary passports bring? For Larry Birkhead, apparently his daughter Danniellynn to Kentucky. In a way, I think Larry Birkhead is hot. Despite the drugs and the booze and the creepy video footage and the fact that he boned Anna Nicole Smith. Anybody?!

-R. Kelly is releasing a charity single for the families of victims of the Virginia Tech Massacre. Apparently Kelly thinks money can heal everything. After all, it seemed to heal his constant legal troubles with child porn and molestation. Does anybody listen to this guy anymore? Maybe money won't heal anything for the families because it won't make any money!

-Ellen Degeneres took it laying down on Monday (how else do lesbians take it?) as she hosted her talk show from a hospital bed while recovering from a back injury. Not only does this remind us how old Ellen actually is, but it also just opens the door for the lesbian jokes. Ryan Seacrest said on her show, "This is a first for me...to be in bed with you," to which Ellen replied, "It's a first for me in a while, too." Brilliant.

-Roseanne Bar made a public comment today, stating she would love to be a cohost on The View, replacing Rosie O'Donnel when she leaves the show at the end of the season. Well if this isn't a public plea, I don't know what is. Hey, it could work. She's fat and she's a loud mouth. People won't know the difference.