An Officer and...a Gentleman?

I've watched the Bachelor before...but never before this season, appropriately titled "Officer And A Gentleman," have I realized how ridiculous it all is.

Dr. Andy is down to his top 4 girls...two blondes, two darker skinned brunettes. Go figure. That allows us to pick the better of each! The girls took him home to meet their friends and families. PERFECT episode for me to start watching!!

Yeah, he's probably one of the best looking Bachelors the show has seen. Yeah, he's in the navy, is a doctor, and lives in Hawaii. Yeah, he is extremely cordial and polite, sincere and charismatic. But these chicks talk about Andy as "the perfect man." Um, do I need to remind you that you're on a reality television show? Sure, he's the 'perfect guy,' if that 'perfect guy' goes on a national television show exploiting himself and the contestants, allowing cameras to capture all of the physical and emotional connections he makes with women as he 'falls in love' with at least four of them. I have a new word for Dr. Andy to add to his medical dictionary: M-O-N-O-G-A-M-Y. Last time I checked, monogamy is a characteristic on most people's list of a perfect mate.

So on to the girls. There is this girl, Bevin. First of all, what kind of a name is Bevin? That was probably Andy's first question for her parents when he met them, but they had to edit it out for time. Aside from her name, this girl is the clear front runner in my opinion. She is gorgeous, she knows what she wants, and she wants ANDY! They have the strongest connection, and best of all, she lives in Palo Alto. Don't know what that has to do with anything, just thought it was neat. There's just one snag with this girl...she waited until the top 4 to tell him that she is divorced. Andy said he understood and is glad she had that experience to teach her what she wanted in a marriage, but is he overlooking the fact that Bevin waited so long to tell him? She probably claims it was because it "never came up." If you ask me, it's more like, "I'm feel threatened by the 23-year old on the show and I don't want anything to taint my perfect score with this guy."

Then there are two other girls I didn't really care about. One of them is 27 and still lives at home. That's all I remember. The other girl grew up in D.C. and Andy was concerned about her commitment to him and the show. Word got out that she went on the show because the thought it was fun. When Andy confronted her sister and best friend about it, they said "Yeah, well, like, she did it at first because it would be fun but then, like, she, like, started to actually like you." Nice.

Then there's Amber. Oh, Amber. She's a 23-year old teacher who lives in Sugarland, Texas (just sounds like there are gumdrops lining the streets, doesn't it? Gun flavored gumdrops, but gumdrops all the same). She has a bad relationship with her family, so she had Andy see her school and meet her students (what kind of a teacher makes out with the guy she is trying to win over in the school parking lot and on the playground?), then took her back home to have dinner with her roommate ("Wait, so you like are in the navy and a doctor? Wow, that's awesome!")and her puppy (who peed on the carpet during dinner). Then her aunt surprised her after dinner, and they all bonded over a few bottles of wine. This is what I want to know: How could she get out of work for so long? Granted the show probably only tapes for a month or so, but then if she wins there's secrecy and publicity obligations. I can just picture the request for a substitute teacher in my head...

Then, when Andy and Amber (those names together make me want to gag) were going from school to dinner, they showed her sitting on his lap, with the seatbelt dangling in the background. GREAT example for the kiddies, Amber! And when she was talking to her aunt about feeling inferior to the other girls because of her rough family life, she said, 'So Andy gets to meet three amazing families, and then he comes her and meets my 23-year old roommate and you. And, like, are you enough?' And how does the aunt respond? 'Um...I think so?' Priceless.

Needless to say, Amber was eliminated from the competition (yes, let's remember it is a COMPETITION). And after the cheesiness of the rose ceremony (all thanks to Mark Burnett for his "Andy, ladies, there is one rose left," that never gets old...thanks Mark, we got it the first season), Andy sent Amber on her way because she is too young. "But not in maturity, only in age, and you said in the hot tub the first night we met that age doesn't matter," cried Amber. Well, Amber, unfortunately it doesn't help that you went hot tubbing with him the first night you met, and in the limo on your way out you said 'freakin' about 7 times. Better luck in Sugarland, I suppose.

Oh, and don't forget to buckle up.